Spoiling or Accommodating?

Are we accommodating our children who have special needs or are we merely spoiling them? I don't have a clear answer for this. All I know is that I do what I have to do in order to get through the day. If my son is having a tantrum/meltdown in public and I can calm him quickly by getting him a drink or snack or whatever--sorry, but I'm doing it! It may not be the best solution but the alternatives are far more disruptive.

Of course there have been plenty of times when I haven't given in/accommodated his behavior but no one wants to give credit for progress. They'd rather point their finger in disapproval. All I know is if there's a better way, I am always open for SUGGESTIONS. Until them, call it what you want...